Helping Children Thrive: Preparing for a Healthy & Successful School Year
Introduce yourself and your professional background.
Ruth: Hi, my name is Ruth Tekeste Dicks. I was born and raised in Chicago and have lived here most of my life. My parents are Eritrean immigrants. I was a high school English teacher for 8 years before transitioning to graduate-level and then undergraduate college advising, which I’ve been doing for the last 6 years. I’m now also a trauma-informed Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. I’ve been providing therapy for the last 3 years. I’m trained in EMDR and Brainspotting, 2 body based healing modalities different from traditional talk therapy. I enjoy working with students and clients who are Black women and children of immigrants struggling with anxiety, trauma, life transitions like marriage, divorce, parenting, and more.
Rahwa: Hi I'm Rahwa Casselle, born in Eritrea, raised in the Chicagoland area, I’m a married and a mother of 3. I’ve been an educator now for almost 2 decades, I taught elementary and middle school, worked as a math interventionist, an instructional coach and now as an AP. I enjoy working with students and families from various backgrounds.
What is mental health?
Ruth: Mental health has to do with your internal state, your emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Sometimes it can be in a good place, and sometimes we can have a hard time. Just like our physical health is something we need to regularly take care of through exercise, nutritious foods, and doctor’s visits, our mental health is something we also need to take care of and check in on through a lot of the same things, in addition to things like therapy, prayer, meditation, journaling, spending time with loved ones, doing activities we love, and more.
Rahwa: Mental health is an important part of a student's overall well-being. In a school setting, we often think about how a student is managing emotions, relationships, stress, learning, problem-solving, and day-to-day challenges. Mental health exists on a spectrum, and experiencing stress, sadness, anxiety, frustration, or other difficult emotions doesn't automatically mean that a student has a “mental-health disorder.”
What are signs of healthy mental health?
Ruth: Signs of healthy mental health include feeling well and hopeful about the future and having positive thoughts and emotions like joy and excitement. This doesn’t mean we will always feel positive, however, because that is not realistic. Being able to successfully engage in “normal” activities like taking care of yourself, eating, showering, getting dressed, participating in work/school, socializing with peers, and getting a good night’s sleep are all signs of healthy mental health.
Rahwa: From a school perspective, some signs might include a student who:
Can form and maintain age-appropriate relationships
Is able to express emotions or ask for help
Can recover from normal setbacks with support
Participates in school activities or learning
Has interests and activities they enjoy
Can adapt to changes and transitions
Demonstrates a sense of belonging or connection
*Healthy mental health doesn't mean a child is happy all the time. Kids are going to have bad days, feel frustrated, be nervous about a test, or have conflicts with friends. We're looking more at the overall pattern and whether those emotions or behaviors are interfering with the child's ability to function, specifically at school or home.
What might be signs that something is wrong with my or my child’s mental health?
Ruth: Some signs that something might be wrong with you or your child’s mental health include if you or your child aren’t engaging in activities you/they used to love because you/they aren’t getting joy from those activities anymore, for example, hobbies like painting or gymnastics. Your child may be “acting out” or misbehaving at school or home when that is not their norm. They may be yelling loudly, having explosive fits of rage in response to things that upset them. They may be really irritable or angry and have trouble controlling their emotions. Some acting-out behaviors are developmentally appropriate based on your child’s age, however, so it’s all about the context of who your child is, how long the behaviors have been going on, how the behaviors are impacting their ability to function, and how they have been responding to intervention.
They may be quieter, sadder, spending more time in bed than usual, not wanting to spend time with their friends when they used to enjoy this. They may be really worried about something or a lot of things and regularly express that worry. They may have difficulty staying focused and paying attention when they didn’t have these struggles before.
They may be scared to go to school, leave the house, or be without their parents. They may have difficulty falling or staying asleep or oversleeping and have minimal energy to do “normal” activities they used to have no trouble doing, like showering and getting dressed. They may be eating a lot less or a lot more than usual for them. Their worries or sadness or other concerning signs significantly affect their ability to complete everyday tasks.
Essentially, be alert for any behaviors that are out of the ordinary for you or your child, are becoming a pattern, and are impacting their ability to complete everyday tasks, whether at home, school, or elsewhere. If a child says something along the lines of they want to die or don’t want to be here, want to harm themselves or someone else, or shows evidence of self-harm (i.e., cut marks on their wrists), these are warning signs to take very seriously and should not be ignored. We’ll talk more about resources for support soon if you experience these emergency warning signs.
What are things that could contribute to mental health issues in school?
Ruth: Some things that could contribute to mental health issues in school include phones and social media–they are very addictive and can cause children to compare themselves to their peers. Social media can lead to anxiety, sadness, self-esteem, and body image issues based on how many likes they are or are not receiving. Bullying and cyberbullying, which is bullying that happens online, through texting, and through social media, are other sources of stress in and out of school. Kids can be very cruel, unfortunately.
I remember as a kid who attended a small private elementary school in Chicago with other children of immigrants, most of whom were African, I got made fun of for having big teeth, being too skinny, and having braces. As a high schooler attending a large, public, suburban school in a wealthyish district, I was made fun of by Black kids for not being Black enough and for being African. I was the only Black girl in my honors classes, and I was made fun of by white people in those classes for being Black. I received microagressions like “I was smart for a Black girl”, jokes like I would get BBQ sauce on my ACT, and was encouraged to apply to Harvard because surely I would get in since I was Black. These kinds of comments definitely impacted my perception of self and were not things I shared with my parents growing up because I thought they had enough to worry about as immigrants adjusting to life in America. It’s important to check in with your children about comments they may be getting from peers and how to handle them.
Academic stress due to struggling to understand material, feeling academically behind your peers, and feeling pressure to perform academically can contribute to mental health issues. So can any challenges at home, such as parents arguing or fighting, parents verbalizing worries about not having enough money, food, clothes, or other resources.
Developmentally, children and especially adolescents care very much about peer approval. It’s developmentally one of the most, if not the most, important thing for them. Feeling like a child or adolescent doesn’t fit in with their peers or have friends can also contribute to mental health issues in school.
Rahwa: One thing I’ll add is…There are many factors outside and inside of school that can affect a student's well-being. School personnel have to be careful not to assume we know the reason behind the behavior. Instead, we can ask questions, listen, look for patterns, and work with families and support staff to understand what the student may need.
If something seems wrong with my or my child’s mental health, what should I do?
Ruth: You can start by inviting your child to have an honest and open conversation without judgment. You can share an example of how you sometimes act differently when you’re having a hard time (the more specific you can be, the better), share what you do to help yourself feel better, the behaviors you’ve noticed in them lately, and ask how they have been feeling, and what is wrong. Let them know you love them and are here for them, no matter how they are feeling, that you’re here to help them, and they don’t have to carry whatever they’re dealing with alone.
You can also check in with others in your child’s support system to see how they have been doing, such as teachers, coaches, and your child’s friends’ parents. You can also have your child check in with your school social worker or counselor and talk with them. You could also look into getting your child a therapist they see outside of school, depending on their needs. It is important to intervene early and get your child the support they need.
If your child has expressed thoughts of wanting to die or not wanting to be here anymore, wanting to hurt themselves or someone else, or has actually harmed themselves (i.e., cut themselves), it is important you call 911 and take them to the emergency room to be assessed for their safety and risk of harming themselves. This does not automatically mean your child will be hospitalized, but it is a possibility if they are deemed an active suicide risk. They should not be left alone, and anyway they could potentially hurt themselves i.e., pills, scissors, razors, knives, should be removed.
There is a mental health youth and suicide crisis with youth suicides having drastically increased, especially among Black youth. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of taking any indications of suicide risk very seriously. If your child is already seeing a licensed therapist or psychiatrist, you can also contact them for support. You can also call or text 988, the free National Suicide and Crisis Hotline, 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
Once your child has been assessed by the hospital, you can also follow up with your child’s therapist and school social worker or counselor to inform them of what is going on, especially if your child needs to miss school.
Rahwa: Don’t hide or ignore the issue. As a community, this may feel like shame. I agree with Ruth, a good first step is to talk with someone you trust and begin gathering information. For a school-aged child, that could include the child's teacher, school counselor, social worker, psychologist, nurse, or administrator. Your pediatrician or a qualified mental-health professional can also help determine whether additional evaluation or treatment is appropriate.
Educate yourself on the concern and the possible ways you can support. Web MD is a great resource.
I’ll also add if you're concerned about something you're seeing at home, it's helpful to know if those concerns are shared at school. Sometimes those spaces might experience a child very differently- having that perspective and putting those pieces together gives everyone a better picture of how the student is doing.
What can parents do to support their kids advocacy wise in school?
Ruth: Parents can maintain a relationship with their child’s teachers through periodic check-ins and asking questions about how their child is doing in school, any challenges their child may be experiencing, and what would help better support their child.
If a parent or teacher notices their child is struggling in school, the parent can advocate for their child to get extra supports inside and outside of school. That may look like helping their child with homework, getting them into tutoring, asking for additional classroom interventions, and potentially getting your child tested to see if there are additional reasons for challenges, like a learning disability.
It is ok to ask questions to ensure your child is being treated fairly, especially if it comes to issues of your child getting disciplined in school, and it’s ok to push back if you feel they are being punished unfairly.
Parents can always check in with their kids as well to ask them these questions, discuss their concerns with the child’s teacher, and create a plan of support together.
Parents can also get involved in schools by volunteering, chaperoning, and joining the PTA (Parents’ Teachers’ Association).
Rahwa: For a school-aged child, that could include the child's teacher, school counselor, social worker, psychologist, nurse, or administrator. Practical suggestions I have:
Share relevant changes or concerns
Ask what the teacher is observing
Keep communication factual and specific
Ask what interventions/supports have already been tried
Ask who the appropriate school contact is
Keep records of important meetings and communications
Ask questions when they don't understand something
Participate in meetings about their child's needs
Include the student in age-appropriate conversations about their support
Follow up if something isn't working
What are parents’ rights in school?
Ruth: Parents have a right to information about their child’s record in school. They have a right to be informed about successes, challenges, interventions, and individualized education plans (IEPs).
Rahwa: The exact answer depends on the student's circumstances, district, state, and whether the child qualifies for specific protections or services. The important thing to note is that parents and students do have rights and parents play an important role in the decision-making process regarding their child's education. If you're unsure about your rights, ask the school to explain the process and who you should contact. Families can also seek guidance from their district or an appropriate parent-support or education advocacy organization. There are also federal and state laws that may provide additional rights specifically as they relate to students with a disability, accommodations, special education, records, privacy, evaluations, and participation in educational decisions.
What services are available to parents in schools?
Ruth: Schools provide many services to support children. They often have social workers, who can provide assistance to your child if you are struggling with issues such as transportation or homelessness. Schools can provide free lunch and income-based waivers for the costs of certain tests or activities for students. There are special education teachers, learning interventionists, psychologists, speech and language pathologists, paraprofessionals, and more staff in the schools to support your child and their needs. They may also have fun extracurricular classes and after-school activities, clubs, and sports your child can get involved in.
Rahwa: It varies by school and district, but schools may have counselors, social workers, psychologists, nurses, behavioral support staff, special education teams, family liaisons, community partnerships, or other student-support services. Some schools have a number of resources available to families around mental health. One thing to note, though, is that while schools can provide educational and school-based supports, schools aren't a replacement for comprehensive mental-health treatment. If you have a child with significant needs, I would recommend having support outside of school providers.
How can I support my and my child’s mental health?
Ruth: Modeling taking care of your mental health is a great way to support your and your child’s mental health. You can incorporate your child into activities you do for your mental health and do them together, like exercise, prayer, journaling, taking walks outside, taking deep breaths, meditating, participating in activities you enjoy, etc. You can model healthy boundaries by saying no to requests you do not want to do and taking adequate time to rest. Letting them know why you’re doing these things is important.
You can make sure to take care of your mental health so you are emotionally regulated and can better support your child from a calmer mental state. You can help your child learn about different emotions through emotion wheels for kids, help them identify their emotions, and help them regularly practice emotional regulation techniques when they are calm, like deep breathing and stretching, so they can learn to use them when their emotions intensify.
You can also create regular time to check in with your child and build a relationship with them so that they feel comfortable coming to you if they are struggling. Dig deeper beyond the questions of how are you and how is school. You can ask about their hobbies, interests, friends, what they’re enjoying in and out of school, and what is challenging for them. I encourage you to listen to your child without judgment, without trying to control or change what they are doing by offering your recommendations (unless they ask for your opinion), and encouraging them to explore and pursue their interests. You can offer support to help them with any challenges they’re experiencing, and you can always ask for help if you’re not sure how to help your child.
If you have concerns about your child’s mental health, you can always ask for them to see their school counselor or social worker, or look into getting them private therapy. You can consult with your child and the mental health provider throughout the process.
Rahwa:
Create opportunities for your child to talk without immediately trying to solve the problem. Maintain routines around sleep, meals, school, and activities. Encourage healthy relationships and activities they enjoy. Pay attention to changes in behavior, and let your child know that asking for help is a strength.
If you notice concerns that are happening at school, advocate for your child as soon as you can.
Get a community of people whose children are older than yours. Dig deep and understand what age-appropriate behaviors are and what are things that may be of concern. One book I would recommend for school aged elementary aged children is “Yard Sticks.”
Ruth: Yes, I absolutely agree. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of creating regular routines for children. They thrive in consistent, safe settings where they know what to expect. Be sure to also regularly communicate how much you love your child. Children need to know they are loved by their caregivers and safe. This impacts how they will be in relationships with others as they grow up. When complimenting or praising them, you can try to specifically praise them for actions like the effort they spent working to complete a difficult problem rather than just complimenting a trait and saying they’re smart. You can also ask them how they feel about accomplishments they complete (ie, an art piece) before complimenting them so that they can develop their own opinions and self-worth and not just be reliant on positive feedback externally from you to feel good about themselves.
What are recommended topics to talk to my kids about?
Ruth: Recommended topics to talk to your kids about include social media. Delay letting your kids use social media as long as you can, talk to them about the reasons why (the negative impacts on their emotions, self-esteem, and body image), and set boundaries for them to safely use social media. Discuss AI, the importance of using it minimally and responsibly, and the consequences of not doing so (environmental impacts, negative impacts on learning, data breaches). Ask your children how they feel in their classrooms (comfortable, safe, scared to talk), in their friend groups, what their friendships are like, what their relationship with their teacher is like, if anyone is making fun of them or being mean to them, and what to do if someone is.
Have conversations with your child about consent, their body parts, and what is okay and not okay (i.e. an adult or older child should not be touching your child’s private parts, and if anyone asks your child to keep secrets from their parents, that is exactly when your child should tell you, their parents). Normalize your children’s curiosity and desires, and have developmentally appropriate conversations with your children about sex when the time is right. These are conversations that can shift and evolve over time as your child gets older. You don’t want them to learn lessons the hard way from outsiders or their phones, and don’t assume they’re learning everything they need to in school.
Be accepting of your child and whoever they may be, even if they are different from who you wanted/expected in a child. Listen to your child and make space for them to share. Let them know they can come to you with anything and won’t get in trouble, can call you at any time, and mean it. Encourage them to explore their interests. When big events/life transitions happen, talk to your kids about them before, during, and after, i.e., death, starting school, expectations for going to friends’ home, studying, etc.
Rahwa: Ruth has a great list of topics here. I might add, talk about.
How school is feeling, not just how grades are going
Friendships and relationships, ask about their friends, if they have any, what they do when they get together, what does a good friend look like and sound like. As they get older, the kinds of friendships they form will impact them more significantly.
How to advocate for themselves - you are not with them all day, we have to teach our kids how to advocate for themselves in various situations with peers, with teachers, etc. Give them words and sentence starters to use.
One question to ask is if they have trusted adults at school and outside of school (not you) they could go to if they needed to?
How to handle a setback.
What are recommended topics to be sensitive to when discussing with my kids?
Ruth: It is normal to be concerned about your child’s development, including their bodies and if they are eating enough. However, these are topics we need to be very sensitive to if we bring them up. We need to be mindful of commenting on how much or how little they’re eating, and avoid regularly talking about their bodies and if they’ve gained or lost weight. We should avoid forcing kids to finish their food when they say they are full and forcing them to eat foods they do not want to eat. That doesn’t mean we can’t get creative with getting them to eat more and to eat healthy foods. It’s just important about how we have these discussions so as to not put pressure on our children to develop disordered eating patterns like eating less, skipping meals, exercising excessively, or throwing up to lose weight. Be mindful of the pressure you may be putting on your child to perform academically and be a certain kind of “perfect” child. There is nothing wrong with encouraging your child to be the best they can be, but let them know it is okay to not be perfect, and that that is not expected of them.
Rahwa: I would add that instead of just focusing on the topic, focus on how you're discussing the topic. Sometimes even well-intentioned conversations can increase pressure. For example, repeatedly focusing only on grades, comparing a child to siblings or peers, dismissing their concerns, or immediately jumping into problem-solving before listening can make it harder for a child to open up.”
Ex: “Why did you get that grade?” Try: “How are you feeling about how school is going?”
Ex: “You have nothing to be nervous about.” Try: “It sounds like you're really nervous. Tell me what's worrying you.”
This is especially true in adolescents. Ask good questions and listen more than you speak.
How can I help my child prepare for going back to school?
Ruth: You can express your excitement for another school year of learning and growth to frame it positively for your child. You can check in with your child about how they are feeling for the upcoming school year, what they may be excited and nervous about, and discuss how to support your child with any concerns they may have and build on their strengths. You and your child can create goals for the upcoming school year together and discuss strategies for success.
Rahwa: Start the conversation before school begins. Re-establish routines gradually, especially around sleep and mornings. Talk about what your child is looking forward to and what they're nervous about. If there have been significant changes over the summer, let the school know.
Reconnect with school contacts
Identify a trusted adult
Review transportation and morning routines
Prepare materials ahead of time
Talk about academic expectations realistically
Discuss what to do if the child becomes overwhelmed or frustrated
Remind them that asking for help is okay and review how to advocate
How can the school support parents when they’re feeling overwhelmed?
Ruth: Parents can check in with the school as well as the school community (i.e., other parents) when feeling overwhelmed. It can be really helpful to know you’re not alone and to learn what resources exist for support.
Rahwa: Parents don't have to navigate everything alone. Schools can help by making communication clear, identifying one primary point of contact, explaining school processes in plain language, connecting families with available resources, and making sure parents know who to contact when they have concerns. Some schools have groups for parents to be able to join as a support as well so you may want to ask if that's available at your school.
- Ruth Tekeste Dicks, MS, MEd, LCPC and Rahwa Casselle, MSEd
Resources
988 National Suicide & Crisis Hotline (call or text 988)
Yardsticks: Child and Adolescent Development: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1892989891?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback
